Yesterday I finished my first novel, which has yet to be titled, at around 50,060 words. No, it is not finished, but its incompleteness is terminated, if this makes any sense at all.
It will always be a work in progress, and although I have left NaNoWriMo feeling satisfied and excited for what lies ahead, it will take a very long time, possibly forever, for this story, or any story I write, to be complete.
As a celebration of its first stage of completeness, I would like to discuss a few things here. This will be a very personal post, so feel free to brush it off as just that, but this is something I need to write, to get out there, because it makes me so very incredibly happy.
I have always wanted to be a writer, for as long as I can remember. But for me, it was always akin to what a career in dancing was: a far off, imaginative idealistic prospective. Therefore, as I fell victim to the tragedy of growing up and the systematic soul crushing of the school system, I lost sight of it. I stopped writing, stopped creating worlds and people and situations out of nothing, out of my imagination. I began exploring other career options and other options to study in school, getting so ahead of myself and preemptively crushing the flame of my dreams before they had had a chance to try to burst into a wildfire.
NaNoWriMo has taught me about myself in that it has shown me how I come into my own while writing. It has shown me that the seemingly impossible idea of writing a novel, such an absolutely huge prospect, is completely manageable. And while working on my story, reading the pep talks, and drowning myself in John Green (vlogbrothers) youtube videos, it dawned on me. Slowly, like how the sky lightens at sunrise.
I could do this with my life.
I learned, up here in my attic drowned in words and music and inspiration, that this is what makes me happy. The absolute ease of writing, even though it seems next to impossible sometimes. But it's worth it for those moments of sheer genius when the words flood through my fingers like they were possessed by something larger than myself, and I am able to create, something I always craved but was unable to achieve through dance or school or anything else. Don't get me wrong, there are still millions of other things I want to do with my time on this earth. But I know now.
I know it will be hard, seemingly unmanagably hard sometimes, but it will be possible. I know now that there isn't much in the world that makes me happier than holing up in a tiny apartment with tea and music and the world and characters I create out of nothing. There is a power in that, a power to reach people in a way I cannot verbally.
I am so thankful to have discovered this, this epiphany or enlightenment or whatever you should call it. And I am thankful to have each and every one of you along with me for this crazy adventure.
Love always,
Coral
